ADHD, what is it for me?

There were many moments when I found it difficult to explain how my mind works, what motivates me, and what makes me stay still for hours without starting a task. I never felt alone: whenever I finally managed to put into words what I felt, many people related to it. Only later did I realise that the common factor had a name: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

For me, it is as if I am constantly doing group work with someone who is extremely distracted.

I am motivated, I write down all the instructions given, I research relevant articles, I come up with ideas that I consider valuable… I want to produce excellent work, and I put effort into it. But at the same time, I have a “teammate” in my head who disorganises me. She loses notes, postpones starting tasks, has no sense of time management, and is constantly distracted.

For a long time, I felt that this was deeply unfair. In the end, the outcome is always assessed as a whole. nd I felt that my effort was not recognised, because the delays and procrastination coming from that “other part” were also visible.

I thought that “I” and “she” should not be seen together.

For example, in secondary school I achieved an average of 19 while balancing my studies with competitive sport and school clubs, while she would arrive late for tests and often be missing materials.

I would do all my homework and she would forget to have dinner. I would make to-do lists and she would never know what needed to be done.

I was “intelligent” and “hard-working”, while she was “lazy” and “undisciplined”.

For a long time, I believed that these two parts should not be seen together, as if one cancelled out the other. Until I realised that this separation does not exist: there is no “me” and “her”. There is only the way my brain works.

Learning to live with ADHD means accepting that. It is not about separating or eliminating a part, but about understanding how it works and finding ways to manage the frustration that comes with it

Over time, I realised that attention deficit is not just about not being able to focus. Sometimes it is exactly the opposite: not being able to “unfocus” (hyperfocus). It is becoming so absorbed in a single task for hours that I lose track of time and realise far too late that I should have already left the house for another commitment, that I have not eaten, or that I have not even showered. It is falling asleep on the floor while studying a subject that was only meant to be a light review, planning to then focus on another that was more urgent, but never managing to leave the first. It is making to-do lists and, still, not knowing how to prioritise, which results in not even starting.

I then understood that the “me” and the “her” are simply two sides of the same coin. For a long time, I chose to identify only with the traits that are valued and distance myself from those that are less understood. Today, I understand that they are all part of me.

The Student

Testimony collected by the Career and Development Service of the Faculty of Economics of the University of Porto